


You Are the Answer to My Question

by Brynstein



Category: House of Mirth - Edith Wharton
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:36:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29535552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brynstein/pseuds/Brynstein
Summary: Whilst Lily is cruising with the Dorsets, she asks Lawrence to marry her...
Relationships: Lily Bart/Lawrence Seldon
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

Life had been as pleasant as prospects of ruin and destitution could be. Lily knew that she couldn't escape her debt forever, but the Dorsets offered mind-numbing conversation enough to wash away the depths of despair she had fallen to for the time being. Even if in the same brushstrokes, the excitements of arts and pleasure had dulled also. Their company was pleasant enough.

It wasn't until she saw him again that colour burst into her world where debt had desaturated it. Selden was good at painting over her worries, at brightening the day. She supposed that was why she loved him.

Her chest heaved with shallow breath, hiding the fluttering pulse in her chest, and the corners of her mouth curled upwards for the first time in weeks. She wore her countenance obviously, allowing herself the small happiness after weeks of dull grey.

Yet he did not seem as pleased to see her, protesting that she was in danger and that something would happen, that she needed to leave the Dorsets.

Lily's face fell, never wishing for a second that she should have to defend herself to Lawrence, who had always understood her, who was the only one to understand her. When had things changed?

"If I were to leave the Dorsets, where should I go?" she pressed him. "No one should have me. I have made a fool of myself, even to those who truly know me. Especially to those who know me."

"Let me help you then, but, Lily you must get off of that cruise before something happens."

He moved towards her, hands reaching to clasp hers, but she stepped out of his reach.

"What will happen, Lawrence?"

"Lily..." he sighed, holding his cards close to his chest, and she was never good at playing cards.

"If you are so keen to protect me, you could at least tell me from what. Unless you intend for me to make a fool of myself again? I cannot leave the Dorsets; they are all I have left in this world."

"You have me."

His answer was as quick as an instinctive reflex, no hesitation or lingering doubt. Lily began to give hope that things were not all that different between them. This time she looked for an answer.

"It seems to me all we have are hypotheticals and I cannot survive on hypotheticals alone." She paused to take a deep breath. "Once upon a time, you told me you loved me, that loving me was the only help you could offer. And for a while, it was all the help I needed... It has kept me honest... but I fear that there may become a time when honesty is about as sustaining as hypotheticals. If you still love me, then what help is that to me now?"

"If you are asking me to... You know I can't. There are still options for you, Lily. I am not one of them. I will not do that to you."

She nodded, understanding his position but wanting to tell him he was wrong, so very wrong. Tears started to prick at the corners of her eyes, desperately clinging to her dream. "I think maybe I could have liked the idea of married life. I think maybe I could still want that for myself, but there are no options, Lawrence. Nor have there ever been... save one." Her eyes darted between his back and forth, so filled with warmth and kindness that the rest of his expression tried to hide to save her. But she didn't want saving. So, she pleaded, "We could be happy."

"There is more to marriage than happiness."

"But it is a start," she protested, chest caving in at his denial of her. "Say it is because you do not love me."

His answer was barely more than a shaky breath, a laugh falling from two lips that curled upwards with the truth: "I cannot."

Lily grinned unabashedly and stepped towards him, her hands resting on his solid chest. Her heart felt as though it would beat through her breast like the wings of a hummingbird and fly away.

"Then marry me."

"But how?"

"Is that a yes?"

Selden placed his hands over hers on his chest, cementing them there, showing her the flutter of his own heart beating akin to hers. He leaned down, chasing her lips, and they moved together in synchrony. Like two courting animals guided only by instinct, they twined around each other, swelling and blooming until there was no space between them but the hot air. Like all kisses they shared, this was a promise and a forbidden inkling to other-worldly pleasures they could never entertain. Until perhaps now.

Lily pulled away, heavily breathing, needing oxygen and answers. She gazed into the depths of his fiery soul behind his eyes and understood his answer.

"I have always loved you, but marrying you may not be as easy, Ms. Bart. You deserve the best and I cannot promise the kind of husband I will be."

She laid her head against his chest, smiling blissfully. Leaning up into the crook of his neck, she whispered, "The best."


	2. Chapter 2

Lily lay on the edge of the bed, heart beating the rhythm of a racehorse. And they were out of the stocks, Selden and herself. She felt like she was hurtling around the tack, turning a blind corner in this journey. Ahead was a fog of unknown, but for the first time in her life, she didn't feel vulnerable and exposed, seeking protection. For she already had all the protection she needed. Lily lay on the edge of the bed, heart beating a thousand gallops, but all she could do was smile.

It was at that moment that Selden knocked on her door and entered. His presence instantly lit a spark in her and she let the exhilaration flame. She could taste the danger in what they were doing, but that was half of the allure. The other thing she could taste was his lips still, fresh from when she had asked him to embark on this journey with her. That particular flavour of thrill and the tacky interior of the clifftop hotel was proof that he had said yes.

"Lily?" he questioned, softness at the edge of his voice.

She sat up upon an elbow, smiling still, wanting to pinch herself to see if it was all just a cruel dream, but not daring to wake herself either.

"Why are you crying?"

Her smile slipped away as her fingers dabbed at her cheeks, catching droplets of tears she hadn't known had fallen. She sniffed, a laugh caught in her throat, as she was unsure how to answer.

Selden moved to sit next to her and held her tear-stained cheek. He placed the tenderest of kisses to it, watching her eyes close as he did so. Lily held her breath, feeling heat rise through her and a blush bloom under his touch.

Eventually, she found her breath to utter the question on her mind. "Have we beaten the game?"

"The game never ends." He looked her in the eyes, meaning every word and seeing her disappointment. "But that is okay because we can spend the rest of our lives cheating it."

He smiled as Lily's forlorn expression grew into a grin. His hand curled round to hold the back of her head and before he could stop himself, he was undressing the pins from her hair, strands tumbling indecently out of their hold. He hesitated but she reassured him, finding and plucking a pin herself and placing it on the nightstand with the rest. Watching his eyes flick as he felt for more pins, she sighed, melting into the affection like ice cream on a warm day.

He smiled at her when all were removed, his fingers flowing through the tight curls, loosening them and setting them free. Grazing his finger across her cheek, he brought his hands down to admire her beauty; soft and gentle and charming like venus herself. His hands settled in her lap, resting on her legs through layers of skirts.

"I should go," he whispered, looking away from her eyes holding him captive.

Lily's heart quickened. "Stay."

Mirroring him, she placed her hands on his legs, twining them together. "I have only just got you. I could not bear to let you go just yet."

She found her nose incredibly close to his, nudging the air between them persuasively. Selden closed his eyes and let her win the argument, closing also the gap. Her lips tasted so sweet under his tongue as they played the old, familiar dance of chase. Yet the way she played was as though she had invented it herself.

Together they undressed the rest of her clothing down to her chemise when Selden averted his eyes respectfully, although a sinful thought at the back of Lily's head wished he wouldn't. She slipped under the blankets and reached for his hand, linking their fingers together and locking him in place.

"Lawrence, stay," she breathed.

He lay down on top of the bed next to her, brushing away her out-of-place hair. He wouldn't be anywhere else in the world. They looked into one another's eyes, exploring still, if only with their sight, until Lily's eyelids grew heavy. Selden continued to watch her as the waves of slumber rolled through her and closer to crashing over him.

Tomorrow, they set sail for the rest of their life.


End file.
